She Would Be Proud
by JacksTortugaLass
Summary: Daniel Faraday reacts to the death of Eloise....both of them. Rated 'T' for mention of suicidal thoughts.


She Would Be Proud

Author's Notes: Halfway down, there are suicidal thoughts, hence the "teen' rating.

He didn't show emotion when the real Eloise died, so why should he for a rat?

Because he had named it in her honor, in his sister's honor.

And, he supposed, that probably wasn't the highest of honors – to be named on a rat to which experiments were performed on. He doubted Eloise – the real Eloise, not the rat Eloise – would be rejoicing. She was probably scowling at him this very minute. But who could say what she truly would react with? That's what bothered him most about it. Everyone going around claiming that Eloise would've been pleased with the funeral service, and wasn't she in a better place now? (And really, how could someone be _pleased_ with a funeral? Especially if it was their own.) 

It started with the flowers by the casket, wouldn't she love them? (She wouldn't have – she hated roses. Didn't they know how much she loved lilies? Out of season or not – they should have at least tried.)

Then they said that the food was just the way she would have wanted. (She was Vegan – how could they not have remembered that?)

The worst had to be their quiet affirmations that she would be grateful to be dressed so well. The stiff crinkling pink dress almost made Dan run from the room, unable to take anymore. Eloise hated dressed, and especially pink. The combination of the two would have sent _her_ running from the room as well. She was most comfortable in his dress shirts; her particular favorites were the ones with stripes. Add that to a pair of black jeans and she was set for a week or until she spilled something on them. Dan had offered the one with all the blue and green stripes but his parents declined, saying that the dress was better. He couldn't help but wonder who it was better for: them or their friends that they always tried to impress. 

At the funeral, he refused to cry, not wanting to join the others in what clearly was just a good performance of acting. He was determined to save his tears for a later time, for when he could really mourn. Now wasn't the time, not when everyone was being so expectant.

The problem was that he never found the right moment.

That's why, when Desmond asked about the rat Eloise, Dan refrained from emotion, choosing to be offhand about it instead. He'd perform the autopsy later, and maybe try not to think of the doctors that did the same to the real Eloise at the same time. He doubted that he would succeed. 

As he continued the equation on the chalkboard, he couldn't help but think what his parents and the others would say: wouldn't his 'half-crazy' sister be proud of him for this stiff outer shell he created?

The answer, of course, was a steady 'no'. She would not be pleased. She would hate the brother that he's become. Of course she would be glad for his position here at Oxford, but not of whom he was. His lack of friends would worry her, but then he never was very good at people skills, was he? A small smile formed and Dan had to agree with that, she was always the more brave of the two of them. Sure, he had the science mind and could add numbers quicker than anyone in the family but she was the one that would step out of her boundaries, stepping straight in front of people to introduce herself. Their parents always hated that, frowning so much he thought that their faces would stick like that someday. "Stop drawing attention," they would say, pulling her back and jerking his shirt from out of her grip. In secret, he would always sneak into their parents' room and take it back – the one brave thing he ever did. Eloise would sing his praises then, able to fall asleep and not end up throwing things across the room. 

His sister was half-crazy, everyone said. In reality, she was just a little different, but even a little bit off of what the town thought was 'normal' made everyone stand back and stare when she came into a room. She wasn't right, everyone whispered rather loudly. They didn't like how she danced everywhere she went, how she was nice to everyone and everything. And they really hated the way she dressed and always stayed by Daniel's side. Of course, they didn't like Dan either, but because of his 'smarts' figured he would outgrow his own unusualness. He didn't. If anything, the sudden death of Eloise made him go even crazier. He figured that he was now 'full-crazy' of Eloise was only half. 

Shaking his head, he sighed, Desmond had left, going to go find his constant, or so Dan figured. The room was empty now. Well, empty of humans at least. Eloise – the rat Eloise – lay in her cage and Dan stared. Could he really perform the autopsy? Could he really make her proud of him again? Or would she forever be frustrated that he listened to their parents, and cared what others said? 

Taking a step toward the cage, he heard something fall from behind him. Turning around, he stared. Now he knew he was crazy. 

"E-Eloise?"

She frowned, standing there in the sunlight that filtered through the windows, looking back to the chalkboard, "You were always better at drawing than I was, brother."

His first reaction was to correct her. She always thought that his equations were drawings of animals and people. She never did really get that part of him. Or maybe she did, and just liked teasing him. He shook his head, "What…"

Her hands smoothed out her pink dress, "You should have told mom more about me hating pink."

"I-I did." He shut his eyes hard and then opened them again. She was still there. Maybe he really was crazy.

Eloise went over to the cage, "She's a pretty rat. Did she die?"

He squinted at her, "Yeah. Um. Are you—"

"Did she die like me?" 

Dan stared at her. Of course, she wasn't real. She wasn't really there, staring at him, making his mind think of things that he had put aside for ten years. But then again, maybe it was his consciousness trying to get him to go over the hurdle? To get him to be at that place where he could be himself? Whatever that meant.

"Daniel." 

But then again, if this was just a hallucination, or a part of his consciousness, why was she saying things that he didn't want to think of? Wouldn't she be discussing other things, like the movie they had last seen?

"Daniel."

No, she wouldn't, not really. Obviously, she knows she's dead and wants him to come to terms with it. But why did she choose now? Why not the week after the funeral when tried to cross traffic blindfolded? Or the month after when he wondered if a toaster and a bathtub of water could really kill someone? Why now?

"You're thinking too hard again, aren't you?" She tilted her head to the side, "I just want you to be okay with me. With me being gone."

"But you're here?" 

Linking her fingers through the holes of the cage, Eloise shrugged, "You haven't stopped that habit still. Are you ever certain of what you want to say?"

"I love you."

She made a face at the dead rat, "Well of course. I always knew that."

"Mom and dad loved you."

"Not really. In the way that I was their daughter, sure enough, but nothing past that. And you don't have to lie to me. I'm dead, I'm not stupid, you know."

"They died too. Last year. A couple months from one another."

Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, she nodded, "There. You were certain of that. Anything else you're really, really certain of?"

"I hate that you left me. I still have it. That shirt that you died in. The blood won't come out. But that's okay. I keep it safe. I wish I could have kept you safe. From the accident…." He paused. 

Eloise stepped in front of him, "Go on, brother."

Could he really say it, what he wanted? He swallowed first. Then again. Maybe if he just stayed silent she would stay here, waiting for him to answer. But would that really be fair? He supposed not. Although, he was certain he would feel better being left on this Earth with her nearby. "I just want you to be proud of me."

Putting her arms around his middle, she pulled him close, "I always was. And always will be."

Now he knew he was crazy, he felt warmth. He felt something as she pulled him close. Gingerly he put his own arms around her and almost laughed at the giddiness that swelled inside of him.

Leaning back, she caught his eye, "Get a haircut."

"Professor?"

She was gone. Eloise. Looking frantically all around him, Dan glared at the student that had interrupted what was surely to be the best, if not strangest, moment of his life. He had made her leave. Or, maybe not. Maybe she was meant to do this, to make him be fine and then leave. 

"Um. I'll just come back…"

Dan didn't really hear the student but as his eyes fell to the empty cage where Eloise was, now gone, and he smiled a bit more than he had in years. "Thank you, Eloise."

Author's notes: Thank you for reading. Please leave a review, if you can.


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